Keyword: Craig Marshall Smith
26 results total, viewing 1 - 20

It’s a meat-and-potatoes issue, and skip the meat

Jennifer has Siri on her cellphone. I have neither. I asked her, “What’s Siri?” When she told me, I just looked at her. I said, “Ask Siri how many games Warren Spahn won.” A woman’s … more

Rolling Stones 2019 — old boys’ club is nothing like old times

Gimme shelter and gimme money. Tickets to see the Rolling Stones next year at whatever the stadium here is called go for (went for) $49 to $850 (without fees), and some special seats go for (went … more

Stiff the stuff for a holiday from the hyperactive holiday

Go ahead. Go ahead and ignore me, but one of these days you’ll know that I was right. I have the remedy for all of your holiday anxieties. Each and every one. You’ll think I’m kidding. You’ll … more

When products are sealed, there’s a failure to yield

I admit there were no witnesses. I hope by now, however, you can trust me, even though I did steer a lot of investors in the wrong direction on that chicken-flavored chewing gum project of mine. … more

Somehow, tiny dog can occupy whole heart

A reader said she had a fever. “And the only prescription is more dachshund.” I asked her what she meant, but I already knew. “It’s the news,” she said. “The news is getting me down. I … more

Holiday bludgeon can lead to high dudgeon

It is the first of November. I am braced for what is about to happen, against my wishes and against my will. My belief is that it comes earlier every year as an antidote to reality, as a form of … more

Art’s reward is the gift of other people

Matt and I won a prize. You still have a chance to see our prize winner at the Lone Tree Arts Center. We collaborated on an art project for a juried exhibition that will be up until Nov. 26. Because … more

Shakespeare supposedly wrote a lot of great stuff

I have a dab of Shakespeare (1582-1616) memorized, and that’s about it. I am a failed scholar when it comes to most of it. Romeo and Juliet was set in Minneapolis and St. Paul. I think. I’ve … more

What a deal, what a steal, gotta get an automobile

I rarely buy, lease, rent or steal anything because of a television commercial. There are products I avoid, however, because the commercials that go along with them irritate the Cap’n Crunch out of … more

Unwelcome words aren’t getting the hint to leave

I am feeling empowered today to feel empowered today. My transparency is transparent, and I might even off-board my carbon footprint. Let me ask you this. Am I being too impactful? This column … more

As Bruegel would say, DIA is boorish and depressing

This lively essay needs an image to go along with it. Please look up Pieter Bruegel the Elder’s painting “The Fall of the Rebel Angels,” and have it handy when you read the following paragraph … more

Autumn has list full of ways to be wistful

Autumn. A six-letter word that summons hundreds, and all of them are apples and the color orange. My friend Thoreau said, “I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself than be crowded … more

Human-dog relationship offers something to sink teeth into

When my DVD remote was being made, they added beef flavoring to the liquid plastic before it was molded. That’s the only explanation I can think of. It went missing. I finally located it under the … more

Day-by-day for 20 years adds up to just one day

Unless they have taken it all down, there are still some reminders at my alma mater that I passed through there 20 years ago. I donated three or four paintings, maybe more. I can’t remember. I was … more

Would you rather be this or that — or that or this?

Would you rather be rich or famous? Questions like this are fun but fruitless. Let’s have some fruitless. (Disregard that some of your options are deceased.) Would you rather be one of the Beatles … more

Teams sign anyone for a `W,’ and sports go straight to `L’

I lost out. Or lucked out. When I was (much) younger, I thought about becoming a sports writer, partly because of my admiration for Jim Murray, whom I read daily in The Los Angeles Times throughout … more

Any excuse for littering is just so much rubbish

John Lennon said, “Littering is easy with eyes closed.” Littering is easy and it’s fun and it’s a great way to thumb your nose at that arcane word “civility,” which has gone down the … more

Wishing it were earlier in the late-night world

I am drifting into obscurity and irrelevance, and there is no known cure, except to lie about it, and to pretend I know what is going on. I used to be current. I used to know these people, these … more

We are rooted in memory, until it leaves us rootless

One of my readers — “Gary” — thanked me for a column I had written about barking dogs that he mailed to a neighbor, after his own words didn’t make a dent. My column made a dent, and I said … more

If I’m accused of taking pictures, I can’t claim that I was framed

Take a picture. It lasts longer. That’s my motto. I have over 10 million photographs, maybe more. My friends call me “F-Stop Fitzgerald.” I take pictures everywhere I go. I mean it. In the … more
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