Keyword: Craig Marshall Smith
24 results total, viewing 1 - 10
Let's say a 69-year-old man is forcibly volunteered off of an airplane, and he's a doctor, a father, a grandfather, he's Chinese, maybe there are some skeletons in his closet, and you have an opinion … more
"Outside of a dog," Groucho Marx said, "a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark too read." I thought about becoming a veterinarian. But I don't have what it takes, and it takes … more
"Have you ever heard of Rube Goldberg?" Jennifer said. "Of course." "Design one yourself. It might turn into a good column." Goldberg (1882-1970) was known for depicting complicated gadgets … more
I am polishing my tuxedo. Jennifer's backless, strapless gown is out of pawn. We're getting ready for the Awards Awards. Pardon my redundancy, as W.C. Fields would say. We have awards for … more
If you believe in dog years, Smitty is 13 going on 91. I believe in dog ears. If you have ever taken a long look (he said) at a dachshund, you know that they have long, hanging ears. What's … more
I went to the grocery store. At the entrance, they have a Purell dispenser and towelettes. First I wiped off the dispenser with some Purell and a towelette, and then I did the same thing to my … more
Author Fran Lebowitz said, "Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications." What does she know? I certainly qualify. Under my yearbook picture it said, "Identity … more
"The food was just delicious, and we loved the way 'Katy' introduced herself. She said, 'They named me after Katy, Texas, not Katy Perry.' The décor made us feel right at home. My steak was … more
I live on a street named after a sobbing tree. The street is a shortcut to a nearby high school. The posted speed limit is 25 mph. But you wouldn't know it, mornings, when the teenagers are on … more
I don't believe in Valentine's Day. But if you and your girlfriend, boyfriend, wife, husband, partner, better half, mate, consort, mistress, or ball and chain believe in it, go ahead and spend … more
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